Too much Six Feet Under....

I had a vision some three months ago that i would die in a car wreck. That car wreck would not be my fault and it would come in two years. Powerful to say the least. I can't explain it or how it happened, but it hit me like a ton of bricks.... Will it or won't it? Perhaps it was just meant to kick start something more. In life there are no accidents.

Sunday is the one year anniversary of my littlest sister Brittany's death. It has hit me especially hard and at a time where my ego and personality is at its most vulnerable. I've found myself in the home of two friends of mine, house sitting. They own the entire series of Six Feet Under on Dvd. Yes, i know its pretentious. Until now I had only watched the first season, some nine years ago when it first came out on DVD. It seemed fitting to watch as much of the five season series, as possible this week and just immerse myself in a tv show about living amongst death. There are no accidents, indeed.

In between watching and bawling my eyes out, its given me prime opportunity to think of the future of my life and existence. There is not to be a statement for my future here in this blog. If you recall back to a few months ago, you'll know that I am terrible at following up such grandiose schemes...

While watching this show during this vulnerable time has opened me up more to my future in this world, its also reminded me of that grave prophecy that my time on this rock is near. Forever near and growing closer.

I'd rather make a statement about my funeral, if it does indeed come someday soon. I have not the means to have a last will and testament written by a lawyer, so why not post it here for all the world to read. Why not share it with my friends, family and the world and see ask them to take their own in accord and ask them, what would they want in the end.

For me its simple. I'm not a religious man. Agnostic maybe, but in the end I'd like to think i subscribe to a more buddist ideal. We're all part of one big circle, one big river and body of life. I believe in life the universe and everything, and not some big white man with a beard in the sky.

A funeral heald in a church, with Psalms and prayers would not be right in my mind. I don't want my funeral to be represenative of a life i didn't believe in, much less lead. I want it to represent the life i DID lead. I fucking partied. I drank. I sang. I even occasionally danced. I'm Irish god damned it and I want a fucking party. Cry, go ahead, but don't be fucking SAD. Be happy for the fun and joy i had in this life.

I want booze, I want bands and i want broads. I want LIFE at my funeral. I want people to be happy they are still alive. I want them to LIVE it.

The best funeral I've ever been too, there was a bonfire. We drank and we told stories of our friend Tommy. I can't ask for anymore. Play the songs i loved. (lots of Drag The River.) Drink lots of booze (Whiskey and Beer.) Laugh and Love and Laugh some more.

Don't bury me in the ground. I'd never have it. Burn baby, burn, with me. I want to say take those ashes and throw them away, but i don't think anyone would follow those wishes. I've always wanted to fly. So throw them out an airplane in an exotic local I never made it too, but the triumph won't be me finally making it there, but rather the triumph of me getting YOU there. Just let me go and live your own god damned life.

Don't cry for me. Don't mope. Live. Because who knows what will happen tomorrow, or the next day....

"We'll drink from the bottle, like theres no tomorrow... There may not be."

"The most important thing I learned on Tralfamadore was that when a person dies he only appears to die. He is still very much alive in the past, so it is very silly for people to cry at his funeral. All moments, past, present and future, always have existed, always will exist. The Tralfamadorians can look at all the different moments just that way we can look at a stretch of the Rocky Mountains, for instance. They can see how permanent all the moments are, and they can look at any moment that interests them. It is just an illusion we have here on Earth that one moment follows another one, like beads on a string, and that once a moment is gone it is gone forever. "

- Slaughterhouse Five

Colorado Springs Compilation and Festival?

My latest scheme comes off of an argument with a friend of mine. We were discussing my place here in town and how i was working hard on building something worthwhile here. She argued that I was building NOTHING and wasting my time in Colorado and that i could do better work elsewhere in the same field.

Well I feel like me and my fellow friends in the music works of Colorado Springs ARE actually doing well for this town and we are building a better foundation for a better music scene. Mostly to prove her wrong and the rest of the naysayers, I want to start a new project.

Last summer I put out a free music sampler of the upcoming touring bands coming through the Triple Nickel. I have been told by a few people it was a "great idea" and a "huge success," but I am quiet unsure it had the desired effect of bringing attention to the music we were bringing last summer. I'd like to do another this year with a larger scale in mind, and not just me sitting at the computer copying 100+ cds by my lonesome.

Then the wheels started turning. A lot of local bands wanted onto this compilation, which was designed to mostly promote the touring bands. The idea of a just local compilation wouldn't be a bad idea and over the last few weeks and months, this is the basis for what i want to do.

I want to do a local music compilation of bands who regularly play in Colorado Springs.

To Qualify for the compilation, each band must submit a track and a small nominal fee. I'm thinking around $20 - $30 bucks.

The money collected from the application fee goes into a fund to press the cds. I'm not thinking anything fancy, but a simple CD and cardboard slipcase.

I want to form a committee of 8-10 people.

These people would come from all walks of the art community in town. Their purpose would be to help judge the merit and fit of the songs on the compilation to make sure it fits and give a good impression to people who do NOT normally frequent local live music.

Not all tracks will make it to the final cut. I'm thinking about 20 tracks. If your track was not picked, you will not get your money back, but it will instead go into the fund for the CD pressing. Much like a film festival you do not get your application fee back if you are not chosen, this will work in the same manner.

The Cds would be given away FREE around town, with the main purpose of exposing people to different music they are not already aware of. It would also be used to attract people who do not frequent live music events in Colorado Springs. This would be the target audience for this project.

The tracks would also be available for free online so those who can not find the CDs may still enjoy it and be enriched by the music.

I'd like to do a huge release weekend EVENT, where several spaces around town have FREE showcases with local musicians. I'd like to do this in a similar way as Fort Collin's FoCoMx (http://www.focomx.org/) Which is a localized music festival where different bands who normally do not perform together share the same stage at venues they do not frequent often. IE Stab Crew plays with Edith Makes a Paperchain. (which is an extreme example, but you get the idea.) Only musicians featured on the compilation would make the cut, But i envision a week long event at several, several local bars, art galleries, ect.

How musicians would gain from this is the added exposure. The free Cd with their name and track circulating around the town would only help their exposure and find a new and different audience and help grow their fan base and show turnouts, resulting from bigger paycheck from the shows they do play.

The venues hosting the free shows would of course benefit from the added exposure to their spaces, and of course would still make profit off the bar, drinks, food, ect.

Bands who are not chosen, would also benefit from the added exposure to the music scene and concerts around town. They would also benefit from playing with other bands whose tracks made it to the final cut, and could grow off of their exposure.

------------

This is just a hair brain idea that's been rattling around in my brain for a few months now and has finally come to a head with the help of my negative friend and too much time on my hand.

This is not something I wish to do alone and on my own. We have A fabulous collective of people who wish to help and further the arts scene here in Colorado, and I wish to involve them every step of the way. Plus, with a committee of sorts to help decide the tracks, it makes it more fair for other bands who i might not necessarily enjoy to make it on the compilation rather than if i had just done it on my own.

Its a chance for all of us to come together and really work to unify the various art and musician cliques and bring us together and have some damned good parties because of it.

These are just ideas. I value your input and am eagerly awaiting it.

Let me know what you think.

and I'm a fool

As a young man I watched too many John cusak movies. I learned to believe their honesty, but in real life things don't work out like in the movies. So as i have spent my whole adolescent life I've spent trying to live up to my heroes as a John Cusak archetype, my brethren passed me by.....

I sit here confused. I am a 28 year old boy with the dating skills of a 15 year old boy. I've sat here trying to become the man i thought women wanted me to be only to learn the movies were wrong. Now I'm alone..... and no clue who or what to do....

John Cusak taught me wrong. Lloyd is not what women want. They don't want. Lane Meyer is not what they want. I am not what they want and I wonder. Have I wasted it all. Will I ever find that one who really and truly wants her lane Meyer? the one who will be loyal till the end? I doubt it. I honestly think i will be alone till the end....

But I am intoxicated. I am heartbroken over women. The ones who sucked me in, and the ones who sucked me out.... Friends. loves. looses.

Photos

I sit and stare out the window trying to soak up all the imagery. I search the landscapes for meaning and look to find hope for a better tomorrow. I sleep and dream of the colors of Seas I'll never know and times all but forgotten. We see so much and comprehend so little of this short journey. We seek answers when questions are not even made known. Perhaps there is no meaning. Perhaps this is all happenstance and nothing will become of any of this. Perhaps, just as I dream of lands I'll never see, this is all someone else's dream. Pawns to the stars. Pawns to the winds. We fight, but the sea always takes control, it always has its way. Helpless, we let go and let the adventure take us away.

At work this morning a coworker asked me if i was hungover. I simply replied "Its Saturday." That seemed to be explanation enough.

The Road...

I'm already failing at my attempt to post one blog a week for the entire year. I have not even begun to start my work for the lubricated zine. Alas, but i will not quit and i will strive to be better in my goals.

I'm sitting here thinking about this past 2 weeks. I've been back in colorado springs now for a few days and i cringe when i say the word "HOME." I live here. I work here. I play here, but i don't feel as though this town is my home.

I feel more alive and natural and more of MYSELF when on the road, traveling. In a strange town full of strange people I feel without my shell of insecurity and it is there that i can truly be free and truly be myself. I don't care about the embarrassment of being me, and my mistakes and misgivings. Who knows if the people i meet on the road, if i shall ever see them again. To them i can be anyone or anything. Its a truly freeing experience.

I know so many people so desperate and so sure that life will be better when they leave their hometowns and hit the road for brighter lights and bigger cities, but the majority of them are just running from themselves and who they are. They can restart and recreate themselves in the way that they see fit. That's what i did when I moved to Colorado 8.5 years ago. Its not always been easy, but I'm a changed man from that insecure little boy who packed up all his belongings and hit the road.

I sat in the seat of the van and as I saw America flash before my eyes, I just sat and watched. I sat and soaked it all in, the sights, sounds and smells. I rarely sleep for fear of missing something.

In the strange towns I sometimes wandered. So full of excitment and anticipation. I was at home. I was free. Its the gypsy blood in me flowing free. No longer confined to the mountain town I live in.

I love it in Colorado and i do good work and have good friends, but its not my home. My home is a two lane highway in the middle of nowhere and it calls my name ever so softly, always yearning for me to return to it.

I will return and I'll return not soon enough..... But for now, I'll live and die in Colorado... But the road will always be my home.

New Belgium's Ranger IPA. Good for Begginers.

I've written for zines and random websites and other projects for years. I always find myself writing reviews. Oh reviews, what a pain in my ass. I'm a pretentious fuck on any given day. I'm overtly opinionated and I despise most pop culture, making me the near perfect realization of The Simpson's Comic Book Guy.

The sad revelation of this all is however, that I am a terrible reviewer. I can almost always tell you what and why I despise a movie, book, comic, whatever.... But the problem I so often run into is that i can never quite elaborate what i LIKE in the item to be reviewed. I just LIKE it, or in a rare case, LOVE in an item.

I'm sitting here drinking the highly anticipated RANGER IPA from the almighty "craft" brewery New Belgium, and I'm debating how to describe this mostly satisfactory beer. I like it. It is an ok beer, and believe me, I'm a beer FAN. I love beer. I love the good hoppy flavor of an IPA, but as i sip on this newly released item, I find the best word to describe my feelings towards it as, "Eh."

The very first thing that jumped out at me about this beer was not even the beer itself, but rather the packaging. As a "pretend" graphic designer, I have become a sucker for great design. Luckily for me, the craft brewery world is a haven for us Graphic Design fans. Almost every craft brew out there has very, very incredible graphic design. Its what ultimately sells the beer. You can not judge a beer by its bottle, but it sure doesn't hurt when the beer bottle looks so damned.... DELICIOUS.



With the New Belgium's Ranger, the graphic design is a departure from the standard fare of Fat Tire and 1554, which the RANGER also signifies the direction of this said beer. Its simple. Its elegant and GREEN, green being the company's main objective of saving the environment through its wind turbine technology and brewing standards. The Bright green sets us up for the statement that the Helvetica font DRIVES HOME. This isn't a fancy beer, but yet it is a sophisticated departure. It is something elegant and made with care, but simple care.

Unfortunately, that is the only thing i Love about this beer. Don't get me wrong. Its not an awful beer and I kind of like it in the same way i feel about Sandra Bullock films. If I found myself in a liquor mart, this would be far from my first choice. For me, It is just too damned easy and simple. Its the Transformers of the IPA world. Dumbed down and brought to the masses without the excellence it deserves. Its not a great beer, and its rather disappointing.

I am a fan of hops and the hoppier the beer the better. I rarely find an IPA to be particularly "bitter," but that is my simple taste buds. I love the way the hops hit the taste buds JUST RIGHT and excite them in a way that only encourages me to ingest more.

With the Ranger, it has a calm, cool, mild Hoppy flavor that is easy to drink, but it does not scream out to my senses beckoning for more of that great flavor. What i really want is a hops explosion. I want more, more, more!!


I'm not the reviewer who is going to tout colors and explain the intricacies of the flavors and what makes it so great. I can't explain the nuances of each little bite and taste. I just know its not enough for little ole me. I just want more flavor and more punch. I want something more like a Dale's Pale Ale, that while isn't an IPA is a hops explosion. The Ranger is an unfortunate Hops dud.

I have found that New Belgium is the beginner's craft beer. Its the dominant force in the market place, and some no longer regard it as a craft beer, and regard it as more of a new force on the same lines as Coors and Budweiser.

When i first came upon NB's flagship beer, Fat Tire, I was a newbie beer drinker. Back then, I absolutely HATED beer. A far cry from the fan i am today, but then, one taste of a beer and i could feel the acid backfiring through my esophagus. It was around these times, that i was gently turned away from Bud light and Coors and slowly turned towards and much better style of beer, and since i was living in Colorado at the time, I was turned on to New Belgium. My introduction to New Belgium and Fat Tire opened to me a world of smaller, better tasting, micro and craft breweries.

With that in mind i often think of New Belgium as a beer fan's gateway beer to excellence. In the same regard as The Offspring and Green Day opened the gates of the punk rock world to millions of rebellious little skate board kids, New Belgium did for beer.

As i sit here drinking this brand new RANGER IPA, sipping away, I still think to myself, "Eh, I've had better," but i can't help but think that perhaps this simple, elegant brew will change the face of the IPA market forever. Opening it up to new and different people and markets and imaginations.

For those of you who have yet to make the jump into the world of IPA's, I highly recommend this beer. Its worth a try, but for those of you who are more seasoned beer drinkers like myself, I would instead recommend the Breckinridge's small batch Double IPA. Delicious. And personally, I am a great fan of Oskar Blue's and their non-IPA, but uber-hoppy, Dale's Pale Ale.



No beers were harmed during the writing of this blog.

Boycotting Red Lobster

I just recently heard from my friend Kevin Healey (Proprietor of THE LIVING ROOM in Pueblo, Colorado) that his sister, Korryn Healey, had been terminated from her job at Red Lobster just a few days after announcing to her coworkers that she was pregnant. The company's reasoning? She had a "visible" tattoo. The tattoo in question was on the back of her neck, and from what I understand, was covered by the collar of her shirt, or her hair. The company would not waiver once they discovered she had this tattoo and although it was hidden the majority of the time, terminated her employment anyways.

It sounds incredibly fishy to me, and everyone who has heard this story. I took it upon myself to email Red Lobster's customer service department and let them know about this unjustly termination of their employee. Also, as a tattooed individual, I hate to hear that they terminated this poor girl because of a simple little tattoo.

So I wrote the company a short email, which i have attatched bellow. If you think this sounds as fishy and unjust as I do, I encourage you to do the same thing. Go to the following address:
http://www.redlobster.com/contact_us/default.asp

And let them know what you think. The Red Lobster location is:
3306 N ELIZABETH STREET
PUEBLO, CO 81008
Phone: (719) 544-1000
Fax: (719) 543-6592

You may find Kevin on Facebook at: http://www.facebook.com/KevinTheHealey
AND Korryn on Facebook at: http://www.facebook.com/korryn.healey

Thanks for your help.
-Damian

Here is my email:
I am the friend of a now former employee, Korryn Healey. Just days after Korryn discovered she was PREGNANT, She was terminated for employment for having a Tattoo! (GASP!)

Tattoos are a growing art form amongst many young Americans. As a tattooed individual, I take GREAT offense to this behavior of your company. I have decided that as a Tattooed American, it would be irresponsible for me to continue to eat at your restaurant and because of this horrendous behavior, I will no longer be a customer.

I also know many, many other tattooed individuals and I will use my social networking outlets to further let people know of your company's policies regarding Tattoos, and work on a boycott of your company.

I also feel that the real reason for Korryn's termination was due to her impending pregnancy and the reasoning of her Tattoo was to hide this fact.

I hope that you and your company's top officials can side with us on this matter and to repair this unjustly firing. This is a horrendous matter. I hope you can solve this fairly and justly. Until then, I shall not be a customer of your establishment.
-Damian Burford

(31) Days of Sobriety.

No one thought i could do it, but i proved them wrong. I took the entire month of January off from drinking alcohol and it was as easy as shooting chocolate cake shot.

I was really surprised to the reaction i received from many of my friends and colleagues regarding this personal goal. It was inconceivable for anyone, much less ME, to go an entire month without drinking. Understandably so, My friends like to drink, a lot. I work in a bar. I hang out in bars. I go see bands play all the time, at bars. I'm such a booze hound and I spend so much time around booze that no one thought i could go an entire month. I proved them all wrong!

I'm a recovering straight edge kid. At 19, I had my first alcoholic beverage in Dallas, Texas. Some friends of mine ventured out to see the all-girl rock band, THE DONNA'S. Waiting for the show to kick off drinks were ordered. I ordered a coke, and received a Rum and Coke. I knew it was a Rum and Coke, but sitting there surrounded by some of my favorite people on Earth, Ivy Woods, Lisa Norman & Matt Crowson, and I decided this was the ground breaking moment i needed to expand my horizons. I took a big sip, to little fanfare from my longtime drinking friends, and passed the beverage along for others to finish. The tiny amount of alcohol had little effect on me, but the seal was broken and i was no longer a sXe kid and no longer a booze virgin.

I kept myself sober for the most part. I would occasionally partake of a Hard Cider or a Hard lemonade from time to time, but I rarely drank anything harder, if anything at all. The first shot i took, happened the New Years Eve I decided to finally escape from Shreveport. There was a freakish snowstorm that blanketed the town. It had never snowed in the 15 years i had lived in shreveport and Change was in the air. I had already had a few Hornsby's Apple Ciders, and that evening at the urging my old friend, and former object of lust, Alyssa Rodgers persuaded me to take a shot of Bacardi 151 with her and that one single shot to my alcohol free lifestyle knocked me on my ass...

Still over the years I kept myself mostly sober. I didn't drink and if i did It was a rarity. I moved in 2001 to Colorado Springs. I had just turned 20 and moved with some of my very best friends to a foreign city. The adjustment was not easy, and was much harder than i anticipated. I was an awkward little shit with a bad temper. Letting loose and letting go was not something i knew how to do. I was a fucking mess and my friends i moved with didn't know how to handle me or deal with me, and left me alone a large percentage of the time, which only made the depression even more maddening and I was prone to many bouts of rage. My temper was out of control...

My 21st birthday, we ventured out to Bennigan's (to which my good and best friend Mike Vanderwalker,still gives me shit about.) and i had a few dozen beverages. Almost all of the girly drink variety, to deal with my womanly tendencies. I had just lost my roommate, Jarrod, thanks to my bouts of rage. That and Jarrod was just a hard little bitch to live with. I mean I was no walk in the park either, but damn. Live and learn i suppose.... I was a fucking mess, but it was a damned good birthday party. I climbed upon the table and did the Truffle Shuffle at one point...

That birthday opened up my drinking ways ever so slightly, and with the ever forceful prodding of Mike Vanderwalker, I began drinking more and more often. Still a far cry from my current booze hound antics, but Mike taught me the ways of the Beverage and from that I learned to relax. I learned to let go and be less of an explosive ball of rage and I learned to have fun.

In the past I always had fun without drinking, but I was such an uptight fucking asshole, piece of shit and I could never let go and break out of my shell... Now with my new found drinking buddies I learned to drop the hammer a little bit and let go and lose the uptighted-ness that had personified me.

I still had some crazy bouts with my rage in the years that followed, but over the last ten years, I have relaxed and mellowed out ever so much. I'm no longer that angry little 21 year old depressed kid who knew not how to handle his emotions. Now I'm a mostly stable 28 year old who knows the importance of letting things out and not bottle things up. Not because of Alcohol, per-say, but the friendship and comradery that it brought out in us.

So here I am, 28 years old. Taking an entire month off of drinking 31 LONG days. It was a CAKEWALK. The most challenging thing, was not the allure of the booze, but what to do with myself and my new found spare time. When I get bored now, I head down to the bar and hang out. Drink a few drinks and Hang out with my friends. If they're not there, maybe I'll make some new ones. I spent a vast majority of my spare time hanging out at the Triple Nickel.

The real reason i stopped drinking for these 31 days, wasn't to sober up or clean up my act. It was an attempt to lose weight. It failed miserably. Instead of heading to the bar to ingest a few hundred empty calories of beer, I found myself instead in the refrigerator door looking for that snack to fill my boredom. I ate a lot of ice cream and other garbage. I did read a lot more and i accomplished more work, I felt emotionally better, but I didn't lose any weight. Mostly because the motivation to exercise escaped me.

Regardless I went 31 days. I didn't sit at home, and I went out often. I always drank water or Soda. The first weeks were hard. I'm a socially awkward and sometimes shy guy. Girls will always scare the crap out of me, and unless i know you, I'm not the best conversationalist. I drink way too much coffee to match my already dubious attention span of a gnat. I found myself more often than not, BORED and somewhat not in my elements.

When I'm at home, I hide in my room and hang out by myself. I play on the internet while watching videos and listening to shows. I do 100 things at once, when at the bars, drinking retards this and I find myself more relaxed and calmer. To find myself doped up on large amounts of caffeine at a concert, trying to stand still and pay attention to bands, or hold a meaningful conversation were the most awkward. All I wanted to do was crawl back home into my cave and sit by myself... But what fun would that have been.

After the first week or so, I found myself getting more and more comfortable in my skin and more able to handle the 100 miles a minute roaring of my mind. I felt more calmer and cooler going out and hanging out with my friends as their consumed their delicious beers. I also realized how much i rely on the people i hang out with. Like anyone, I'm more myself around my best of friends and I found myself surrounding myself more with them. It makes me appreciate those people oh so much more. I need to learn to let myself go, with out the use of the social lubricants. I need to learn how to just be myself, ALWAYS, but some social anxiety prohibits this from actually happening without the use of booze. This is definitely something I shall work on in my future.

The last week, the hardest thing has been how much i just fucking want to taste a damned beer. All week long I've craved a Dale's Pale Ale. The delicious, hoppy goodness of a PALE Ale is what i crave. Not the intoxication, not the social lubrication, the TASTE, Flavor and goodness of that delicious canned wonder. To be honest, I craved one of these all months long, but the last week it went into over drive. After work this morning I thought long and hard about stopping by the Liquor store and buying one of these beauties, but in the end I decided that 10am was a little early to start my debauchery.

While I missed the taste of a beer, it was not the thing i missed most during my experiment. What i really missed was that comradery. Try going out and not drinking with a bunch of people who are drinking and heavily. They rarely chastised me and they supported my decision, but I felt left out. I felt like a pariah. When hanging out of them, I felt like i was missing the connection to something more, like that beer or shot was a connecting facet to each other. Perhaps in a way that hallucinogenics make people feel like a part of the universe, I seemed to be on the outside of that connection that connected my friends. There i was on the outside looking in and missing out on that bond....

Regardless, It was a good month and I learned a lot of good things. I'm sure there are things i don't even realize I learned that hopefully have become ingrained in my and my attitude now.

I'm thankful for my days as a Straight Edge kid and my many, many adventures not drinking. Without those fond memories and understanding that i can and will have fun without drinking, I don't think i could have made it. I do not envy those friends of mine who began their experimentation with drugs and alcohol at such a young age that it is inseparable to them, that they never learned how to interact and have fun without the asset of drinking. I very much believe it was those experiences of my youth that have allowed me to stay away from the pitfalls of abuse and alcoholism.

Now its 8:15pm. I'm about to head down to the Nickel to ingest my first Dale's Pale Ale in a month. I can already taste it on my lips. In one weeks time, i head out on the road to adventure as the Merch man for Drag The River. It will be a far cry from the nights of sobriety.... One week of craziness, when the whiskey flows like water and the tabs are on the house. I think i have earned it.

"I shouldn't be wasting all of my time in these basement bars with this rock and roll band."

Damian at the PACKED, Triple Nickel Fourth Anniversary Party.

"You are wasting your life away at the bar. Your shows are not that cool, and the triple nickel is boring. You are afraid to do more with yourself" -Anonymous

I received these fine words in the form of an anonymous message sent through the bowels of Myspace via the TRUTH BOX application.

I laughed when i read the above message. I have come so far in this great charade of life and have people ridicule the choices I have made. I LOVE what i am doing, and as i wrote in my Article in The Independent, Nothing feels better than a packed room and knowing that I am responsible for it.

It has been about 8 months since i have received this message and as I looked upon it today, it was not with laughter or humor, but sadness. Here is a person who thinks i can do great things, but sees me wasting my time at a dive bar I call HOME.


I wish no disrespect to the people who did the job before me, but When i first took over the bookings and promotions of the Triple Nickel Tavern, it was an absolute shithole. I came in HUNGRY and ready to buckle down and work my ass off and that's what i did.

For the first year I had to beg and plead with musicians to come and play at our little venue. I was constantly on the computer, listening to and emailing bands. I went out and found the bands that i loved and admired and brought them to Colorado Springs. It was hard work, but no where near the hard work that came once i got these bands into town. The hardest part was getting the crowds...

Colorado Springs is a notorious town for having a music scene that people do not support. People do not want to leave the comfort of their homes and Xboxs to venture out into the great unknown for adventures and live music. They visit their chain restaurants and comfortable chain bars. They venture very little off the beaten path. They have very little imagination or thirst for adventure and because of this, the town suffers greatly because of it.

It may seem easy. Sit at the computer and write a few emails, post a few bulletins online. The Reality is, I had to bust my ass to attract more and more of these people and get them into our little bar that could. Sure I didn't do anything to drastic and crazy. I mostly did what other did before me in the days before Social Networking. I got out there and Flyered and networked. I went to shows. I met new people and spent countless hours talking and talking to people. I bought and consumed many, many beers. It was hard work and even some of my closest friends chose not to support me and my efforts, choosing instead to sit at home and watch countless hours of MTV Reality Television. Through it all, and against all odds, I prevailed.

Our bar just celebrated its Fourth Anniversary to a PACKED house! In a time of economic uncertainty, we had one of the most successful years in the bar's history. I can't take all of the credit of course. It was a group effort and we all pitched it. I booked the bands. The people started coming. The Bartenders took care of the patrons and guests. JJ, the owner, built a new stage. Joel (Aka Ski) set up a new sound system (that JJ bought.) and as a result, we've created the best sounding, small venue in town. Most bands tell us we are now their FAVORITE place to play in town!!! A far cry from the time i spent on my knees....

We ALL worked hard to get the bar to where it is now, and not with out my help of booking the shows, and getting the people to acknowledge what we are doing. The Nickel may not be the premier bar downtown, but we're at a point now, that even on show nights we can pack the fucking house with ease, a super rarity before I took over.

The person who wrote to me telling me that i am "...Afraid to do more with myself," Might not see how great an accomplishment that packing that place can be. I'm the backstage guy. I'm the man behind the curtain making the magic happen. Its a very unrewarding job for most, but not for me. I've sought my reward and claimed it.

I have so many more GREAT people in my life now. If not for the nickel, I wouldn't have met my last three girlfriends, and I'm sure the next unlucky girl i will have met there as well. I would not know my last two roommates, had it not been for the Nickel. I would not have found the roads i am currently navigating... I wouldn't have become this current incarnation of Damian.

Less than two weeks from now, I'll be hitting the road with one of my all time favorite bands, DRAG THE RIVER. I'll be their Merch Bitch/Roadie/Driver on this next adventure and I've never been more excited. If you had told me 2 years ago that I would be going out on the road with Drag, i would have laughed and wished dreamily at the prospect.... Now here i am about to embark on a killer trip, with some great guys. They're not only my friends, but my brothers in arms. I STILL can't believe it.....

And its all because I've "wasted [MY] life away at the bar."

I may not get paid cash for all the work I've done in this town, but The Nickel has given me more than I ever could have wished for.

I don't want people to think I am selling myself short. You don't rush a stew. You have to let it sit and simmer and cook to deliciousness. I'm taking it slow and easy and soaking in the sights, sounds and smells. Its not about the destination, its about the journey. I will sit back and enjoy this wild and crazy ride that I'm on and when the time comes, I'll head off on my next great adventure.


So to the person who wrote the above statement, I want you to know, I'm HAPPY. I'm not wasting away. I've accomplished more than i could have imagined. I appreciate that you think i can do more, and I can, and I will, but for now I'm going to keep hanging out in the Dive bar, booking "boring" shows and entertaining the small mass of loyal patrons to our bar. I am going to keep enriching this town. I am going to keep plugging away. One day, I will move on to greatness, and one day you'll tell someone, "I knew him when."

Attainable Goals.

Let me start off by saying, I adored the film, JULIE & JULIA, the 2009 film based on Blogger Julie Powell's journey through Julie Child's cookbook Mastering the Art of French Cooking. Julie set herself a goal of completing all 524 recipes from Julie Child's cook book in 365 days. The film was based on the books, Julie and Julia: My Year of Cooking Dangerously By Julie Powell and My Life in France By Julia Child

It was oddly inspirational to me, the hapless 28 year old male who often yearns for something creative to sink his teeth into. Only to find myself without the the time motivation, or more importantly, the organization.

The film's main character talks to her mother about how setting short, simple and attainable goals is good for your life and being. In looking for the exact quote, i could not find it for the life of me, but i did come across this quote from Tony Hawk that mostly fits:

"My best advice is to set small, attainable goals for yourself. Don’t think of the big picture all the time, because you’re just going to end up being disappointed the whole way there. You’ll be so fixated on the challenges that you won’t step back and realize you’re already there."

In the last few weeks i have watched this film a few more times and each time i feel myself yearning to do something of the sort in my own life. Create my own short and attainable goals. I thought of going through the Top 250 films on IMDB.COM and writing about each and every one. I had once started the dubious project of watching every film on the list in one year, this was about 5 years ago, and made it far, but found myself burnt out on high class, amazing films that zap your brain and soul. I regressed into watching much more Hollywood filth and schlock afterwards.

Still, during my unfinished goal, I did happen to find many, many amazing films and directors that i never ever would have found without this amazing resource and goal. Its still a goal of mine to watch all 250 films, but the list is an ever changing affair and i am quite proud to have seen at least 125 of these films, if not more. I would stop and count them all... but that can wait for another day.

So I've been debating what small and attainable goals for me to reach this year and what they should be. I've come up with two, very similar, simple goals for this upcoming year.

First. I'm going to use this blog and write one blog a week every week for 2010. That's 52 blogs. 52 writings. Each one with at least 500 words. Lets face it, I'm very verbose so chances are each post will venture into the thousand-plus wordcount. I will have no set theme, just one Blog entry a week. Each one a slice of my brain. I will try to refrain from postings about my boring days and keep these posting as interesting as possible.

Secondly. I'm going to begin working with Vanessa Speckman and her wonderful zine, Lubricated Magazine (fan Lubricated on Facebook:http://www.facebook.com/pages/Lubricated-Zine/166831369538). After a few back and forth emails about various plans and ideas we have, we both came to the conclusion that we just need to get off our asses and start working on the blog. Just start working and stop fucking talking!

For the zine, I am setting the same goal i have set for myself here with this blog. I will write 52 pieces for her blog. One a week for one year.


I've been itching to do a zine again in these last few weeks/years/entire life, but starting a zine is an incredibly large pain in the ass with very little rewards. It is lots and lots of hours sweating and pouring yourself into a project that very people will read and even less will appreciate. I think i have found a partner in Vanessa, whom is on the same page about what we want to do. I'm lucky in this because I very much need someone to help energize me and motivate me to actually do the work and not surf the internet for another three hours.

So rather than start my own zine and fight for the same very small audience that we will both cater to, I'll combine my forces and move to help make Lubricated a new powerhouse tour de force that i know it will be.


I use to write constantly on my livejournal and Myspace pages, but I have since fallen off the wagon. I believe that setting this small attainable goals of writing two pieces a week are very, very attainable, yet push me JUST enough.

One piece for each blog is of course is the minimum. If I write 200 blogs this year, then GREAT, even better! I should note that writing 2 blogs in one week, will NOT exclude me from writing the next week., but will rather be bonus.

I will also add, that at least for my personal writings, I plan on at the very least going back and writing a few backlogged blogs for this year. So by my account, after this one is published, I owe the world 3 more for January.

I'm still not sure what to do with my writings that are sure to overlap. I work in the music industry. Many of my friends are involved with the industry in some way or another. My upcoming tour with Drag The River will warrant many blogs, but do these blogs go to the Lubricated Zine? Or stay here as my own? I think I will keep my Lubricated work mostly focused on Interviews and profiles, "Journalism" work. My personal blog will focus more on me and my adventures.

I also have lots of advice for bands and other promoters as well, not sure where that will fall when those pieces are written... Perhaps I will post them in both? I don't know how that will work in my self-written rules..

And as readers, I won't be able to do this without you. Please, send me comments, ideas, suggestions and topics to write about. I should also note that my Lubricated work will not be just about music. I want to branch out and interview other people as well. Comic artists have my eye right now, since i am a rather large fan of the online comics communities. I have many other ideas for interviews and pieces as well for Lubricated. I also have a few ideas and tricks up my sleeve that i do not plan to unveil until I can actually get them accomplished.

Before i leave you, I would also like to highly recommend Julie & Julia. Its a chick flick of sorts, but it is no love story. Instead it is the story of two women who set goals for themselves and came out changed people in the end, and for Julia Child, Change the world! Its the story of growth and gain, and while its about two women, it should be universal for anyone with an open mind, and a yearning to better yourself. It doesn't hurt that its a damned sweet and cute little film. I absolutely adored it.

Will i change the world with these projects? More than likely NOT. I have no clue what i will get out of it. When i started the bookings and promotions at the Triple Nickel, i never could have imagined how it changed my life and opened me up for all kinds of amazing opportunities. Who knows where these roads i am embarking on shall lead. Maybe no where, but i doubt that. This is a good solid, small move. I can't wait to look back in a year and see the end results.

I only hope you all are willing to come along with me on this journey.

One posting down. 51 left to go.
-Damian
1/24/10