(31) Days of Sobriety.

No one thought i could do it, but i proved them wrong. I took the entire month of January off from drinking alcohol and it was as easy as shooting chocolate cake shot.

I was really surprised to the reaction i received from many of my friends and colleagues regarding this personal goal. It was inconceivable for anyone, much less ME, to go an entire month without drinking. Understandably so, My friends like to drink, a lot. I work in a bar. I hang out in bars. I go see bands play all the time, at bars. I'm such a booze hound and I spend so much time around booze that no one thought i could go an entire month. I proved them all wrong!

I'm a recovering straight edge kid. At 19, I had my first alcoholic beverage in Dallas, Texas. Some friends of mine ventured out to see the all-girl rock band, THE DONNA'S. Waiting for the show to kick off drinks were ordered. I ordered a coke, and received a Rum and Coke. I knew it was a Rum and Coke, but sitting there surrounded by some of my favorite people on Earth, Ivy Woods, Lisa Norman & Matt Crowson, and I decided this was the ground breaking moment i needed to expand my horizons. I took a big sip, to little fanfare from my longtime drinking friends, and passed the beverage along for others to finish. The tiny amount of alcohol had little effect on me, but the seal was broken and i was no longer a sXe kid and no longer a booze virgin.

I kept myself sober for the most part. I would occasionally partake of a Hard Cider or a Hard lemonade from time to time, but I rarely drank anything harder, if anything at all. The first shot i took, happened the New Years Eve I decided to finally escape from Shreveport. There was a freakish snowstorm that blanketed the town. It had never snowed in the 15 years i had lived in shreveport and Change was in the air. I had already had a few Hornsby's Apple Ciders, and that evening at the urging my old friend, and former object of lust, Alyssa Rodgers persuaded me to take a shot of Bacardi 151 with her and that one single shot to my alcohol free lifestyle knocked me on my ass...

Still over the years I kept myself mostly sober. I didn't drink and if i did It was a rarity. I moved in 2001 to Colorado Springs. I had just turned 20 and moved with some of my very best friends to a foreign city. The adjustment was not easy, and was much harder than i anticipated. I was an awkward little shit with a bad temper. Letting loose and letting go was not something i knew how to do. I was a fucking mess and my friends i moved with didn't know how to handle me or deal with me, and left me alone a large percentage of the time, which only made the depression even more maddening and I was prone to many bouts of rage. My temper was out of control...

My 21st birthday, we ventured out to Bennigan's (to which my good and best friend Mike Vanderwalker,still gives me shit about.) and i had a few dozen beverages. Almost all of the girly drink variety, to deal with my womanly tendencies. I had just lost my roommate, Jarrod, thanks to my bouts of rage. That and Jarrod was just a hard little bitch to live with. I mean I was no walk in the park either, but damn. Live and learn i suppose.... I was a fucking mess, but it was a damned good birthday party. I climbed upon the table and did the Truffle Shuffle at one point...

That birthday opened up my drinking ways ever so slightly, and with the ever forceful prodding of Mike Vanderwalker, I began drinking more and more often. Still a far cry from my current booze hound antics, but Mike taught me the ways of the Beverage and from that I learned to relax. I learned to let go and be less of an explosive ball of rage and I learned to have fun.

In the past I always had fun without drinking, but I was such an uptight fucking asshole, piece of shit and I could never let go and break out of my shell... Now with my new found drinking buddies I learned to drop the hammer a little bit and let go and lose the uptighted-ness that had personified me.

I still had some crazy bouts with my rage in the years that followed, but over the last ten years, I have relaxed and mellowed out ever so much. I'm no longer that angry little 21 year old depressed kid who knew not how to handle his emotions. Now I'm a mostly stable 28 year old who knows the importance of letting things out and not bottle things up. Not because of Alcohol, per-say, but the friendship and comradery that it brought out in us.

So here I am, 28 years old. Taking an entire month off of drinking 31 LONG days. It was a CAKEWALK. The most challenging thing, was not the allure of the booze, but what to do with myself and my new found spare time. When I get bored now, I head down to the bar and hang out. Drink a few drinks and Hang out with my friends. If they're not there, maybe I'll make some new ones. I spent a vast majority of my spare time hanging out at the Triple Nickel.

The real reason i stopped drinking for these 31 days, wasn't to sober up or clean up my act. It was an attempt to lose weight. It failed miserably. Instead of heading to the bar to ingest a few hundred empty calories of beer, I found myself instead in the refrigerator door looking for that snack to fill my boredom. I ate a lot of ice cream and other garbage. I did read a lot more and i accomplished more work, I felt emotionally better, but I didn't lose any weight. Mostly because the motivation to exercise escaped me.

Regardless I went 31 days. I didn't sit at home, and I went out often. I always drank water or Soda. The first weeks were hard. I'm a socially awkward and sometimes shy guy. Girls will always scare the crap out of me, and unless i know you, I'm not the best conversationalist. I drink way too much coffee to match my already dubious attention span of a gnat. I found myself more often than not, BORED and somewhat not in my elements.

When I'm at home, I hide in my room and hang out by myself. I play on the internet while watching videos and listening to shows. I do 100 things at once, when at the bars, drinking retards this and I find myself more relaxed and calmer. To find myself doped up on large amounts of caffeine at a concert, trying to stand still and pay attention to bands, or hold a meaningful conversation were the most awkward. All I wanted to do was crawl back home into my cave and sit by myself... But what fun would that have been.

After the first week or so, I found myself getting more and more comfortable in my skin and more able to handle the 100 miles a minute roaring of my mind. I felt more calmer and cooler going out and hanging out with my friends as their consumed their delicious beers. I also realized how much i rely on the people i hang out with. Like anyone, I'm more myself around my best of friends and I found myself surrounding myself more with them. It makes me appreciate those people oh so much more. I need to learn to let myself go, with out the use of the social lubricants. I need to learn how to just be myself, ALWAYS, but some social anxiety prohibits this from actually happening without the use of booze. This is definitely something I shall work on in my future.

The last week, the hardest thing has been how much i just fucking want to taste a damned beer. All week long I've craved a Dale's Pale Ale. The delicious, hoppy goodness of a PALE Ale is what i crave. Not the intoxication, not the social lubrication, the TASTE, Flavor and goodness of that delicious canned wonder. To be honest, I craved one of these all months long, but the last week it went into over drive. After work this morning I thought long and hard about stopping by the Liquor store and buying one of these beauties, but in the end I decided that 10am was a little early to start my debauchery.

While I missed the taste of a beer, it was not the thing i missed most during my experiment. What i really missed was that comradery. Try going out and not drinking with a bunch of people who are drinking and heavily. They rarely chastised me and they supported my decision, but I felt left out. I felt like a pariah. When hanging out of them, I felt like i was missing the connection to something more, like that beer or shot was a connecting facet to each other. Perhaps in a way that hallucinogenics make people feel like a part of the universe, I seemed to be on the outside of that connection that connected my friends. There i was on the outside looking in and missing out on that bond....

Regardless, It was a good month and I learned a lot of good things. I'm sure there are things i don't even realize I learned that hopefully have become ingrained in my and my attitude now.

I'm thankful for my days as a Straight Edge kid and my many, many adventures not drinking. Without those fond memories and understanding that i can and will have fun without drinking, I don't think i could have made it. I do not envy those friends of mine who began their experimentation with drugs and alcohol at such a young age that it is inseparable to them, that they never learned how to interact and have fun without the asset of drinking. I very much believe it was those experiences of my youth that have allowed me to stay away from the pitfalls of abuse and alcoholism.

Now its 8:15pm. I'm about to head down to the Nickel to ingest my first Dale's Pale Ale in a month. I can already taste it on my lips. In one weeks time, i head out on the road to adventure as the Merch man for Drag The River. It will be a far cry from the nights of sobriety.... One week of craziness, when the whiskey flows like water and the tabs are on the house. I think i have earned it.