Sunday is the one year anniversary of my littlest sister Brittany's death. It has hit me especially hard and at a time where my ego and personality is at its most vulnerable. I've found myself in the home of two friends of mine, house sitting. They own the entire series of Six Feet Under on Dvd. Yes, i know its pretentious. Until now I had only watched the first season, some nine years ago when it first came out on DVD. It seemed fitting to watch as much of the five season series, as possible this week and just immerse myself in a tv show about living amongst death. There are no accidents, indeed.
In between watching and bawling my eyes out, its given me prime opportunity to think of the future of my life and existence. There is not to be a statement for my future here in this blog. If you recall back to a few months ago, you'll know that I am terrible at following up such grandiose schemes...
While watching this show during this vulnerable time has opened me up more to my future in this world, its also reminded me of that grave prophecy that my time on this rock is near. Forever near and growing closer.
I'd rather make a statement about my funeral, if it does indeed come someday soon. I have not the means to have a last will and testament written by a lawyer, so why not post it here for all the world to read. Why not share it with my friends, family and the world and see ask them to take their own in accord and ask them, what would they want in the end.
For me its simple. I'm not a religious man. Agnostic maybe, but in the end I'd like to think i subscribe to a more buddist ideal. We're all part of one big circle, one big river and body of life. I believe in life the universe and everything, and not some big white man with a beard in the sky.
A funeral heald in a church, with Psalms and prayers would not be right in my mind. I don't want my funeral to be represenative of a life i didn't believe in, much less lead. I want it to represent the life i DID lead. I fucking partied. I drank. I sang. I even occasionally danced. I'm Irish god damned it and I want a fucking party. Cry, go ahead, but don't be fucking SAD. Be happy for the fun and joy i had in this life.
I want booze, I want bands and i want broads. I want LIFE at my funeral. I want people to be happy they are still alive. I want them to LIVE it.
The best funeral I've ever been too, there was a bonfire. We drank and we told stories of our friend Tommy. I can't ask for anymore. Play the songs i loved. (lots of Drag The River.) Drink lots of booze (Whiskey and Beer.) Laugh and Love and Laugh some more.
Don't bury me in the ground. I'd never have it. Burn baby, burn, with me. I want to say take those ashes and throw them away, but i don't think anyone would follow those wishes. I've always wanted to fly. So throw them out an airplane in an exotic local I never made it too, but the triumph won't be me finally making it there, but rather the triumph of me getting YOU there. Just let me go and live your own god damned life.
Don't cry for me. Don't mope. Live. Because who knows what will happen tomorrow, or the next day....
"We'll drink from the bottle, like theres no tomorrow... There may not be."
"The most important thing I learned on Tralfamadore was that when a person dies he only appears to die. He is still very much alive in the past, so it is very silly for people to cry at his funeral. All moments, past, present and future, always have existed, always will exist. The Tralfamadorians can look at all the different moments just that way we can look at a stretch of the Rocky Mountains, for instance. They can see how permanent all the moments are, and they can look at any moment that interests them. It is just an illusion we have here on Earth that one moment follows another one, like beads on a string, and that once a moment is gone it is gone forever. "
- Slaughterhouse Five