Dammit Damian!: How I Went To The ER Before Noon Today Or How I Became Earringless.

Holy shit.

I kick ass.

That's all there is too it.

After a fun filled evening of music and chasing tail at the Triple Nickel, I found myself without any phone numbers (which wasn't really the point. I was just enjoying flirting with the beautiful baby girls.). I did however talk to an old friend of mine JAMES PORTER, who commented on my gauged earrings and how he never thought me of all people would get my ears pierced. Me neither for that matter... The night got late as hell, and I found myself getting home from the bar around 2:30ish. I got the coffee pot ready, and laid down for about 45 minutes or so.

Got up and did the usual 5-6 mile bike ride to Costco, how i found the energy to make it there I'll never know and thank god for Coffee. Coffee, you are my best friend.

I found myself stocking the freezers once again. Its a job I'm damned good at and I usually end up over there 2-3 days a week covering other people's days off.

The store got the shit kicked out of it yesterday and the freezer was a mess. I knew i was worn out and this day was going to be a chore so i dove in head first and started busting my ass....

It felt as though i was not making any headway... I kept stocking and I kept stocking, but It seemed as if it wasn't enough... It was about 6:30am, and 7am, our break time, fast approaching, and i try to pick up the pace even more.

I started stocking an ice cream variety pack. Its wiped out, so I've got myself pretty much completely inside the door stocking the product and moving as fast as i can, which to be honest wasn't anywhere near top speed.... I was pooped, but still fast enough...

That's when it happened.

You see, each freezer door has a florescent bulb, with a plastic cover upon it. Keeping that plastic cover attached to the wall is a Metal CLIP. Here, let me show you a photo:

Now I'd like to show you another photo. In this photo, I want you to take a good look at my ears.....

And now here is another photo, and I'd like you to take a good look at my ears....

See the difference? One has earrings, the other definately does not have earrings.

Now I know how awesome this looks, please take your eyes away from the awesomeness that is I, Damian, and allow me to continue my story.

You see, I'm all the way in the freezer door stocking these wonderful ice cream variety packs (which i took a photo of, but it didn't turn out. Sadface.) I'm coming out of the freezer door at "full blast," which as previously noted is more like half blast on this day.... My earring had somehow got caught on THE METAL CLIP shown above. Yes, that photo above is the actual culprit and its identity has not been changed to protect the innocent. Now I had absolutely no clue the earring was in the door, or i obviously would not have stood up and back as abruptly as i did. No sir, I sure would not have....

So I pretty much jump out of this door so i can grab more fucking Ice Cream Variety packs, and POP! Out comes the earring. Now I immediately knew i lost the earring, but i didn't know the severity of it for about another 2 seconds. As I stand there I see the earring sitting on the metal clip and i think to myself what any reasonable half asleep man would.

"Fuck. That ain't right."

Well folks, as you have already seen in the photo above, i ripped the mother fucker clean out of my left ear. Yes sirree-bob. There would be blood. I immediately went to the reciving bathrroom, I peed, cause you know, I had to pee. Lots of coffee. Then I washed my hands like every good employee should, and I grabbed a handful of paper towles and clotted up my ear and went back to work.

Read that again. I went BACK TO WORK. I'm a stupid, stubborn mother fucker and in my sleepless daze, I didn't think it was that bad, and lets be honest, there was probably a small ping of Shock involved as well.

Did i mention that it did NOT HURT AT ALL. I just ripped the damned thing out and it didn't sting, hurt, anything. POP! It was just ripped out. Woo hoo!

So I go back to work, and the guy I'm working with, who i have to add is my favorite person in the store and I love working with this guy. He gets it, and he took me under his wing and makes sure I get what i need and he always gives me constructive criticism, and he just kicks ass. So Mark Jones drives his forklift up to me and asks what's wrong. When i tell him what happened he insisted that i tell a manager, but man, we had a ton of stuff to get done and Gosh Darn it! I wanted to get it all done! So I refused!

Well Mark is smarter than me, and went and grabbed Matt the manager (and one of the guys who hired me and also likes to tell me how much i kick ass.) He takes one look and demands I stop everything and go to the ER.....

So by now, I realize, yes. I need to go to the ER. Ok. Fine. I'll go. and we go. For a sunday morning, it was a wham bamb thank you ma'am, kind of morning. We were in and out in about an hour and a half.

I was honestly having a blast. I'm an attention loving whore, and I was eating all this up. The nurses in the ER were laughing at me as i told them the story and how I kept trying to work, yadda, yadda, yadda and we had a good time. The doc was all business and was in and out, and the CNA asked it i had any neosporan, then recalled a few minutes earlier how i was discussing being a bachelor and gave me a handful of samples, which she in turn told me to hide in my pocket. I liked her a lot. :)

We got there at about 7am, and returned to the store right around 8:20ish. Super, quick, and I received 9 stitches, a new record for me.

What's funny is, the only times i have been admitted to the hospital were to get stitches. This is the first time they were NOT in my right hand. haha.

Got back to the store and filled out paper work, all while showing off my wonderful new body modification. They asked if i wanted to call it a day and go home, but HELL NO. There was still work to do, so I went back to the scene of the crime and went right back to work.

We were still fucked and it looked like SHIT, but i was a trooper, and besides, It didn't hurt at all. The stitches hurt more than the actual ripping.... So I manned up and went back to work. (and lets face it, I was trying to impress everyone as well with how HARDXCORE I was. haha) And that was about it.

Oh and thank god for workman's comp! whew! If this had happened at home or something, I don't know what i would do... I would probably just have a fucked up ear....

And the doc said I should be able to put my earrings back in in a couple of days. We'll see if i do. We're not suppose to wear them at work to begin with. Its mostly a dress code thing, but since i work before the store opens, no one cared because the customers rarely saw me. So we'll see. Maybe its a sign that I need to get rid of them.

Oh and James Porter? Fuck you for bringing it up! haha. You jinxed me you bastard....

That was my day. I told the story about another 100 times before i made it out the door and since i got home I've told it about 3 more times...

And how do i feel? Great. My ear is sore, but for some damned reason my ego is soaring. I'm the only guy i know who eats this kind of shit up. I love it, but of course its all the attention I'm loving... haha.

So to gain further attention, here are more photos for your viewing pleasure. Please don't stare at the awesomeness for too long. Its just simply too much for you to handle.